Quality Time

Last night Hannah and I had the most fun that we have ever had together. Brian was working late and it was just Hannah and Mommy. Brian stays late one night a week since he is a manger. I look forward to picking Hannah up from daycare most of the time but I never really get to enjoy her. I will admit that most of the time I just let her play in the living room while I am getting dinner ready or get online to pay some bills or try to write. Last night I decided to focus all my attention to her.

I turned on some music (Lady GaGa has some good beats and rhythm) and we started dancing and laughing. At first she just stared at the speakers because she had to figure out where the music was coming from of course. Then she started dancing! Instead of just rocking back and forth like she used to when we played music, she is dancing with her legs too. Hannah lifts up her legs and her little body moves up and down. Her dance moves were so intense that she almost hopped! I opened some of her toys from her birthday and had a tea party. Every time her little tea pot started singing a song or said anything, she would turn to me with this big smile and a look of amazement! We practiced her walking and I must say she is getting really good at it. She lets go of whatever fixture she is holding on to and just GOES! Usually she has to have some kind of human target to walk to and I was glad to be that target.

After dinner and some more playtime, she was ready for her bath. I could tell that she was done with playtime because she kept coming up to me and resting her little head on my lap and she patted my legs.

As a working mother, I still feel guilty sometimes about not being with her enough and sending her to daycare. I guess it's just that mommy guilt. I honestly don't think that daddy's get it too much. It's probably because as women we are entirely too hard on ourselves and feel this pressure to be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE! Even though I worked hard in college for my degree and worked even harder in the workplace to get to where I am now, I sometimes wish I could stay at home with Hannah. Unfortunately to support the comfortable lifestyle that we have gotten used to, that really isn't an option. After that night, I realized just how much those few hours that I get to spend with her in the evenings really matter. In the end it's not the QUANTITY of time that we spend with our kids, it's the QUALITY.

Just when I thought we were on a roll...

Feeding Hannah has always been a struggle for some reason or another from the start. Since her second day of birth, the hospital wanted me to give her formula because she was losing weight and she wasn't nursing properly with me. It was so upsetting! I couldn't get myself to give her a bottle so Brian had to do it. Then, she became a pro at nursing! She was still and always has been low in weight. I just never had a fat, chubby baby. She nursed all the time, but when it came time to send her to daycare, that became an issue too. The caregivers were not sure how to handle Breast milk. All the babies were on formula and Hannah was the only that had expressed milk sent with her. Well we finally got that settled, but then came solids. I waited until a little after 6 months to give her solids. We started with baby cereal and breast milk, then bananas, avocado anything soft. Then I started making her food by steaming veggies and fruit at home and sending that to daycare as well. Everyone at the daycare and the moms that work with Brian were astonished of how I could work full-time, pump at work and make her baby food. To me, there was no other option. However, this is not the mother I envisioned that I would be, it just turned out that way. I would do anything for Hannah!

Fast forward to these last couple of weeks where I have agreed to let Hannah eat off the menu at daycare. I figured at 1 year old she need to learn how to eat other foods besides what I make her. I still send her snacks from home (pears, bananas, yogurt) just in case she doesn't like what they serve at daycare. Surprisingly enough, she has been eating very well. So i decided to let her eat what we eat at home. This has made us very aware of what Brian and I are putting in our mouths on a daily basis so we are going back to healthy eating, not only for ourselves but our daughter. Anyway, I decided to buy Hannah one of those Lil' Graduate meals for toddlers from Gerber. I know, I know, it doesn't exactly follow along the lines of what she has been fed in the past,but I figured that for her first year of life, I provided all of her nourishment's, and I needed a break.

Well, she ended up loving it! They are not cheap, but she only eats one meal a day with us during the week, so I could splurge. It saves a lot of time as well. She tried all different kinds and enjoyed them all... until last night! Hannah turned into the picky eater that I was trying to avoid. She didn't want any of it! She would shake her head and push the spoon away from her mouth when we got near her. After about an hour of trying to feed her, playing with her, trying to trick her into eating and giving her a break, she ended up eating cheerios and yogurt. You know what, I was OK with that.

I'll try again tonight, but I may just cook some pasta, which she loves! We'll see what kind of adventures will arise tonight!

Open Letter to Hannah

Hannah,

Your first birthday has come and gone! I wanted to take a moment to write a short letter to you expressing how wonderful it is to be your mother. Hopefully when you get older you will appreciate this. If you ever have a child of your own, I hope that you will appreciate it a lot more.

You have brought more love and joy to my life than I have ever experienced in my 26 years of living. Your daddy and I feel so fulfilled being able to be our parents. Your daddy is so in love with you and it shows with every little hug and kiss that he gives you. I feel overwhelmed with emotion as I write this because I wish you could know how much you mean to us. You have so many wonderful people in your life that love and adore you!

I know that I am your mommy and that I just may be partial to your beauty, but I have to say that you are too pretty for words! It's not just me though, everyone that comes across you says you have such beautiful eyes. You always have a smile on your face and are so friendly to everyone.

I hope that as you continue to grow and we continue to raise you, you realize how much you are loved and how much you were wanted. Your daddy and I tried so hard to have you and we prayed endlessly for you. Now you are here and we haven't stopped praying. I ask him everyday to make me wiser and a to be better person for you.

Thank you for coming into our world and making it a million times better.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS!

MOMMY