Open Letter to Hannah

Hannah,

Your first birthday has come and gone! I wanted to take a moment to write a short letter to you expressing how wonderful it is to be your mother. Hopefully when you get older you will appreciate this. If you ever have a child of your own, I hope that you will appreciate it a lot more.

You have brought more love and joy to my life than I have ever experienced in my 26 years of living. Your daddy and I feel so fulfilled being able to be our parents. Your daddy is so in love with you and it shows with every little hug and kiss that he gives you. I feel overwhelmed with emotion as I write this because I wish you could know how much you mean to us. You have so many wonderful people in your life that love and adore you!

I know that I am your mommy and that I just may be partial to your beauty, but I have to say that you are too pretty for words! It's not just me though, everyone that comes across you says you have such beautiful eyes. You always have a smile on your face and are so friendly to everyone.

I hope that as you continue to grow and we continue to raise you, you realize how much you are loved and how much you were wanted. Your daddy and I tried so hard to have you and we prayed endlessly for you. Now you are here and we haven't stopped praying. I ask him everyday to make me wiser and a to be better person for you.

Thank you for coming into our world and making it a million times better.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS!

MOMMY

1 more week!

In just 7 days Hannah will be ONE! How did this year go by so fast? I swear it feels like just yesterday I was breaking down crying because Hannah would not "latch" on so I could nurse her. Now she only seems to be interested in it when its nap time and bed time! Yes, my deadline (1yr) to stop breastfeeding is fast approaching, but I don't think that Hannah and I are ready yet. The deadline used to be 6 months. and you see how well that turned out...

During this first year, I see her father's personality come out a great deal! She loves getting a reaction out of everyone, and love the attention. She goes wild when we clap for her, and she even claps at herself when she sees fit. Hannah is also extremely social. She makes friends everywhere she goes just like Brian. She also loves to interact with the babies in her daycare. In fact we had a parent/ teacher meeting with her teacher and she said that Hannah gets so excited when the younger babies in her class want to play, that she sometimes gets a little too rough with them! Hannah has a little bit of me in her as well. If she is hungry, she is GRUMPY! My mother was quick to point that similarity out!

Being a parent is such a tough, yet rewarding experience. Before Hannah was born, I remember telling Brian that after she is here, we are going to be parents, and we will always be parents no matter how old she is! It is a life long commitment. I'd like to think that I am glad that I became a parent at 25 years old because i think it takes a certain level of maturity and responsibility to do this. However, the truth is that it doesn't really matter how old you are or what you have experienced, you are never truly prepared for what parenthood has in store for you!

First Steps!

Here we are, 10 away from Hannah's first Birthday and she takes her first steps last night! She took about 3 steps all by herself. She did this about 3 or 4 times and she was done! After about the second time she did it I had Esther start recording!

This is how it all went down! We went out of town for Esther's college graduation. It was a 5 hour car ride and I really wasn't sure how Hannah would do. We tried to plan everything around her nap times, but it just never works out. she did surprisingly well on the way over there. Did I forget to mention that Oreo was there too? Well she was, and it was like basically traveling with 2 babies. Oreo cried for the first 2 hours in the car and then she decided to take a nap on my lap just as Hannah wakes up from her nap trying to figure out where she is and why the car is still moving, and we basically alternated the whole way over! Hannah cried only once, and that's because it was time to change her diaper while Brian walked Oreo. I even let her drive part of the way!

Once we arrived Hannah was so well rested that she had TONS of energy as explored her Auntie E's apartment. The whole trip great! We had fun with my parents , Esther and her friends who all fell in love with Hannah. Once of Esther's friends asked, "Does she ever cry or get mad?" I guess she really is a good baby! How did I get so lucky?

Anyway on the way back to San Antonio, we pretty much did the same thing and since we had a little extra time we went shopping in San Marcos... gotta love those outlets! Again, she was so well rested, and pretty happy about being home with all her toys, that she played most of the night away. Brian was holding her little hands as we have been doing to help her walk, when I stretched out my arms, she LET GO of daddy and took 3 steps all by herself! We all went crazy! Esther was there and I asked her to take video of it hoping that our camera still had enough batteries after taking pictures and video of the graduation ceremony. Thankfully it did! She did it a couple more times and she went back to crawling as if nothing ever happened!

After that, it was pretty much over and she was ready to go to bed! Go figure!

The Best Day!

The last 4 weeks of my pregnancy we were fortunate enough to get ultrasounds done every week. It is amazing to be able to watch your little miracle moving around inside you! There were a few times that Hannah had hiccups! I mentioned to the the Tech that I thought she was kicking but it was very gentle. So she checked it out and it was the hiccups. She must have had the hiccups a lot in there, because I would feel that gentle "kick" very often. Anyway, I digress.

At about 32 weeks or so Hannah was not in position (head down). My doctor said that there was nothing to worry about and that she had plenty of time to move, but if at 37 weeks, she was not ready, then we had to explore our options. Every time that we would look, she was not in position. My OB always told me that she would not let me go to 40 weeks because we didn't want Hannah to get too big. So all along I knew there was a strong possibility to induce. At 38 weeks, we checked again and she was still in Breech position and after the doctor examined me, there was no sign of me going into labor anytime soon. That's when the doctor told me that were were going to bring Hannah into this world through C-section the following week! So many thoughts and feelings were rushing around through my head!

The first thing I thought was, "I should have paid more attention to the C-section part in our Childbirth class!" In my defense, they spent about 3 lessons focusing on vaginal delivery and only part of 1 lesson on C-Section births. I mean it's pretty straight forward right? I had watched I don't know how many episodes of "A Baby Story" so I was not a stranger to the procedure. Not only that, but my mom and Brian's mom had C-sections, and so did my sister-in-law. I was still apprehensive about the whole thing. I really didn't know what Brian was thinking. He seemed pretty calm to me, but he didn't confess until afterwards that he was really afraid of things going wrong.

At first we were scheduled for the operation on May 27, then they called back to say May 28th! It was only a few days away! I spent the rest of the time making sure we had EVERYTHING. It seemed like every night we were going to Target or Wal-Mart and buying something or other; pretty much whatever popped into my mind.

Finally it was the day before! I went to get a manicure and pedicure and relaxed at home. OK, I wish I could have relaxed. I was really afraid. I know its pretty routine, and that a lot of mothers have c-sections, but it was still major surgery! The part that scared me the most was getting the epidural. The thought of a huge needle in my lower back really freaked me out. I was also worried about recovering and the pain afterwards. However, towering above the fear was the bliss of knowing that I would meet Hannah in a few hours and get to hold her and kiss her! Brian and I were about to be parents, my sister was about to become an aunt, and my parents were about to be grandparents!

We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 in the morning. My C-Section was scheduled for 7:30am. My parents and sister followed us in a another car and arrived moments later. My heart was pounding but I was trying to calm down so my vitals weren't read all wrong! I have always had that issue. I get nervous and my heart starts beating a hundred miles an hour and when they take my blood pressure, the nurse usually becomes concerned. Whatever I was doing worked! I was at the admission desk filling out paperwork and I felt her KICK! I think that Hannah knew she was about to make her appearance today and was READY! Finally the nurse takes Brian and I to a room to prep me for surgery. I won't give too many details but I am sure anyone that has had this operation knows what I mean. The Nurse got my IV ready and my parents and sister came by to see me one last time before I went in.

It was time. I was wheeled in to the operating room and Brian was not allowed to come in until after I had the dreaded Epidural. I felt so overwhelmed! The Nurse asked me to sit up as my legs dangled over the side of operating table the anesthesiologist came in and explained to me what was about to happen. I remember his voice was very calming and gentle. As I sat there hunched over a pillow, the nurse was holding my hand. It was such an awkward feeling. There was a brief sting of the first needle and then an area was numb. Then the doctor asked me to tell him if I felt anything and he slowly guided the needle into my back. After a few minutes he was done. I lied back down and he poked my feet to see if I still had feeling. All I felt was pressure but not the poking. He kept checking and increasing the medication until I was pretty much numb from my armpits down.

Before I could even ask for Brian, doctors and nurses were all rushing into the room. My OB spoke to me for a few moments and I don't even remember what she said. Finally Brian appears wearing his "scrubs." A curtain came up separating the 2 of us from the rest of the staff. Within moments, I feel lots of pressure and movement. As everything was happening I remember looking at the clock and it was 7:35am. I just closed my eyes trying to relax.

All of the sudden I couldn't breath. There was a lot of pressure on my chest and I frantically told Brian I couldn't breath! Brian later told me that the pressure I felt was one of the doctors pushing down on my upper abdomen. Before Brian could tell somebody about what was going on, we hear a CRY! Tears began to stream down my face uncontrollably. It was the most beautiful sound in the world! It was 7:55am. One of the doctors lifted Hannah up over the curtain so we could see her. At first I couldn't believe she was ours. She was such a small baby! I told Brian to go over and take picture of her as the cleaned her up and he didn't want to because he didn't want to see them sewing me back up, but I insisted. My bossiness never ceases to amaze me.

They finally bring Hannah over to me. She was pouting and grimacing. I didn't blame her. She was probably so cozy in there! The anesthesiologist offered and took our first family picture ever!

The rest was a blurr! One of the nurses took Hannah and I was wheeled into another room before they could take me to the room where we would be staying for a few days. Brian went to notify everyone that Hannah had arrived. After a few minutes the nurse brought Hannah in and we began to get acquainted. Everyone slowly trickled in to meet the newest addition to our family. I really don't' remember the order but my best friend Laurie was there, my sister-in-law Yvonne was as well as my father and mother-in-law. I really wanted to try nursing her but it was difficult with the flow visitors. At this point we still didn't know how much she weighted. A nurse came by and finally weighed our little girl.

They rounded up and she was officially 6lbs. 7oz.

We were finally moved to our room and I was able to hold Hannah as I was wheeled to our final destination. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her! She was finally here! After that, she was taken to get her first bath and get properly checked by a pediatrician. I am not sure how long she was gone but it felt like a lifetime. I kept calling the nursery to check but they had to wait until her body temperature got back up. After her bath she must have gotten a little chilly.

We stayed in the hospital for 3 nights, and in reality I had no complaints. I could have stayed longer if they let me! I am not sure if it was because I was afraid of being on my own after we got home (no nurse, no doctors), or if it was because Brian was able to spend the night with us in the other bed so I wasn't homesick, but I could have stayed another 3 nights!

After we got home the real adventures began! I never would have guessed that the biggest challenge we would face with Hannah was getting her to breastfeed. It was so difficult! I was so emotional and felt like I was failing. I was ready to give up, but Brian didn't let me. He supported me the whole way through until Hannah became a pro at it!

I feel so blessed to have Brian by side! At night after Hannah is sound asleep I turn to Brian in our bed and thank him for being such a great daddy and husband! I couldn't imagine going through this with anyone other than him!

How it all started...

When Brian and I got married, I wanted babies pretty much right away. Brian wasn’t down for that. I still don’t know if he just felt he wasn’t ready to be a dad or maybe he wanted us to be more “financially” stable. In all fairness we were only 23 when we got married, but I felt ready! Needless to say I really didn’t leave the subject of parenthood alone. I would bring it up every chance I could get. I did give it a break when my best friend Laurie got pregnant.

After the initial shock, Laurie and I started getting really excited about it and went shopping, set up the registry, and had a baby shower. I was almost living vicariously through her, but at the same time I just wanted everything to go smoothly for her and Michaela. She even aasked Brian and I to be God Parents! We were thrilled! The most memorable moment in my life up to that point was being present at Michaela’s birth. It was such a miraculous day! I won’t reveal all the details; I’ll let Laurie do that when she starts her own blog. I’m not going to lie though. Watching it all happen made me question this whole motherhood thing for a minute.

Sometime during Laurie’s pregnancy, Brian finally gave in and decided we were ready. I got off birth control and we started trying… and trying… and trying. We weren’t successful for about 6 months and that’s when I decided to seek out the help of my OBGYN. That’s when we got the not-so-great news. After what felt like a hundred blood tests and sonograms I was told I was Diabetic and had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I still remember clearly the day I got the call from the doctor. It basically meant that it would be really difficult to get pregnant because I wasn’t ovulating, and if I did get pregnant there was a high risk of miscarriage and if I manage to carry the baby, there could be serious complications due to the Diabetes.

I was home alone when I got the call and I CRIED. I cried until my mom came by and I told her and then we cried together. My mom was never one to pressure us to give her a grandchild and she reminded me of that. However, it didn’t make the news go down any easier. Then Brian came home and I told him. He was trying to be as supportive and positive as he always is, but I couldn’t help but think I was letting him down.

I did everything I needed do to increase the chances of getting pregnant and especially be able to have a healthy pregnancy. I went to doctors, took medication and lost about 50 pounds. Five months after receiving the not-so-good news, we found out we were pregnant! We actually found out while visiting my little sis in college one weekend. It was September 2007.

We were very excited, yet cautious to tell too many people since there was still a risk of miscarriage. We slowly told family members and after the 1^st trimester told everyone else that needed to know.

I was a under a very strict diet and I had to take insulin, which up until I got pregnant, it was not necessary. I didn’t even gain weight until after the 4^th month of pregnancy. I was afraid of all the things that could go wrong, but decided to focus on taking care of myself and the baby growing inside me. Because I was Diabetic I had to see a specialist as well as my OB during the pregnancy, but the good thing about it was that I got to see my baby a lot more times than other pregnant moms. I had a lot of ultrasounds done because they were monitoring the baby very closely. There was a risk that the baby would be too big or that it may have deformities. Who would have thought that Brian and I would have a baby that weighed 6lbs. 6.5 oz.!

So that is pretty much what we went through to have our Hannah! I’m posting a few of my pregnancy pictures. In the next blog, I will write about the MAGICAL DAY!